There once was a girl

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Okay. Here's the deal. If you're on what I have termed 'heavyfilter', you're already on the flist at the new journal.
If you're not a TiPster I've known for multiple years or I feel like you've been with me since first year - then you are not one of the TiPsters on it.
Princess - if you log into the inziliel journal, you're on the flist.
There are a few others that are on there and not on the heavyfilter. Not many.
Only one or two that I can think of that aren't TiPsters. Because there are no TiPsters on the heavyfilter.
Hmmph.

And, yes, I'm moving before I get a paid account renewal. Because I CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE. I DO NOT FEEL FREE.

I'm going to go through this flist a few more times, combing everyone who I like having on my flist and switching them. Of course, they'll only be people I trust. This shit is bullshit.

Sometimes I really hate my life.

And sometimes I really love it.

And sometimes I'm just indifferent.

And I don't know right now.

But I want my Chou. Or my Ali. WHO I WILL HAVE ALL WEEKEND IN NEW YORK! WHEEP!

I want a poodle. I would name it Diane.
I want a big black dog. I would name it Jack.
And they would be John Mellencamp fans and Jack would be referred to as Paddles and secretly want to molest the hawt husky next door. Who would be actually named ... um ... hmm. I don't know. But we'd all just call him Moo-ooh-ooh-ny.

I'm on a poll kick.

So. Here is another poll. That makes me happy.

Poll #437030 Between the lines
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 4

Tell me a lie. A fascinating one. One that might even be true.

In the comments, ask me a question. You can also ask a character/someone else in the system - so address your question wisely. Else someone you aren't expecting might answer.
(POM!Honor does count. She's a bit seperate from me.)
Characters - if you know I've written them, take that list and ask away.

Ummmm ... my house smells so yummy - mom made a brunch cake. Ohhhh, so yummy.

I am extraordinarily excited. Oh! And we might be going to the met so we can go to their roof garden and see the gates from a bit above.

Mom and I have been discussing warm clothing. I wish we had blue gloves. Because I am the evil twin. But I'm bringing my poncho which is brown. And I suppose the pants I have on right now. They're nice and warm.

And I have a need to change my shoes because I don't have socks on.

Yes, yes, idiot, idiot, whatever.

I'm going to loan Sophie's World to Anthony.

----

That was written this morning before I ran out of the house to church. Am bouncy and splodey and OMGNEWYOOOORK.

I have white grape juice. All is right with the world. I literally gulped one of the jam jar glasses down. Okay, they're not really jam jars, I don't think, at least. They just have Welch's all over them - so I associate them with jam jars. And they're small. They're older than I am, some of them. At least the one I'm drinking out of right now.

This weekend. Me. Mom. Ali. Anthony's mom. NEW YORK, BABY.

I love my life. And my Ali. And my mom. And my GOD. And layers of meaning. Ohhh, layers of meaning.

*bounces*

ETA: It's really rocking to live with the youth pastor because you hear Things. And Stuff. About the Brothers of People.

And the Children of Other People. Multiple Other People.

I am often reminded of just how much I need my Emily.

ALI IS COMING TO NEW YORK WITH ME AND MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love my mom. And Ali's parents. And my grandparents. I AM FULL OF LOVE!

Sorry for popping offline if anyone wanted to talk. Am making plans with mom.

You see, I am going to the city this weekend coming up.

*bounces*

And, yes, that would be NYC. What other city is there?

I am estremely esited.

Art dweebs - there's something in Central Park that is our excuse. Know anything about it? All I know is that the word Saffron is used often in reference to it.

Because me? I am not art dweeb. Which reminds me - Ali: bloody sorry about snapping last night.

Going to the CITY.

I get a cell phone at TiP. Whee. That makes me super happy.

GOD - we need to get in touch with each other about the SECRET PLANS that are entailed as of this moment.

Ohhhhhh, this is going to be fabulous. I am the BRILLIANTEST GIRL IN THE WORLD AND MY MOTHER AGREES!

The only person on the flist that I will likely be calling from TiP is Jill and possibly mon Chou. Jilly because, well, I'M FLYING TO HER AFTERWARDS and mon chou because I find myself missing her desperately almost constantly. I am homesick for Houston. And CHOU AND THE DWARF. BAH.

Oh, wow. Layers of meaning.

I have the urge to sit around chanting "Kill the rebel scum" over and over again. Damn you, Ali, damn you!

I am bouncy and splodey for some reason. Probably because my head is quieting down. And I'm watching for repeats of the drama. My life is cyclical. Which is, of course, frightening.

I have been listening to Harry and the Potters ALL DAY TODAY.

Oh. Mom found the familial cookbook today. Which is happy. My cookbook. Gayle will never get her hands on it. My family. Bah.

Randomly? Someone needs to explain to people (who have very very very gorgeous very yummy omg hot ipods) what WooHoo can also mean.

Ehehehehehehehe. The song that's actually playing now? Same song as when I plugged in the music as I started writing the entry. That wins.

Assigned Program: Knights in Shining Armor
Location: Duke University
Program Dates: Sunday, July 10 - Saturday, July 30

Why did no one inform me of the P/J, no matter how minor in shoebox project? You have all been remis in your duties. Honestly! I never!

There was a wonnerful post by maidenjedi in a community I watch that is in her journal as well about women and empowerment. It includes The Most Empowering Statement EVER (TM). Which is beautiful.

GUH! AND PETER HAS A DATE. I hate you all for your not informing me of the wonder that is PETER in this.

Anyway. Tonight - Cubic A Unites To FIGHT CRIME! Or, y'know, shadowrun. Whatever.

Shadowrun character's current name:
Elaine Zilwicki (Or Montagne. I'm still deciding).

She has a military contact. His name is Warner. And her uncle is a terrorist named Seamus who taught her how to shoot and blow shit up.

Jack, Clone - are you laughing your asses off yet?

Mmm ... sleep now. School tomorrow. If I am home tomorrow, you all have my permission to kick my ass from here to Anthony's. And then Ali can just be in the car with my mom. Hee.

I expect more from myself than I am delivering on. This saddens me. But I don't have to live up to anyone's expectations ... even my own.

theorderisladyharringtonandnomercy

I was going to post a meme because apparently Anthony matches up with Fair Was The Blossom. Which would make him a flower. Which amuses me. Insanely. And all that jazz.

I am gorging on carbs today. Mmmm ... sodium and carbs. Fuck diets. This is good yummy delightful fooood.

Anyway - ANTHONY! You are coming with me and Ali to the renn festival. You must. REQUIRED.

Jack - one word for ya. Corset. Three more - you in one.

Ohhhhhh, I love TiP. LOVE IT.

Oh - and we are entering the photo competition and winning it and becoming rich bitches. 175 split three ways ... I don't feel like calculating at the moment. Bite me.

Right. Random poll courtsey of me and Ali. We are insane.
Poll #435424 Random Poll Time!!!!!!!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

Is dragoon a funny word?

Who with the where and the what now?

What is my sister?

Which is the hottest mood theme?

Vera is ...

Paint me a picture with words

Re North Korea: SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

Tell me again exactly how some liberals see N. Korea as a free loving democracy?

Last night when I was on my way to bed, I was thinking about that filtered entry and I went into say goodnight to mom and just lay there crying and I said.

"Momma ... what's wrong with me? I'm not looking foward to TiP. I'm not saying 'Is it July yet?' - I'm saying 'Is it August yet?' Momma, something's got to be wrong. This isn't right. I'm supposed to be counting the days not waiting for it to end! What the hell is wrong with me?"

I can get excited about TiP, but only if I focus.

WHAT THE GORRAM SPECIAL HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

This is going to be my fourth year. I'm going to have an orange shoelace. I'm going to see all sorts of people that I love to pieces and back together again and I AM MORE EXCITED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT ENDS.

Also - ch05ites will be subjected to stabbity death if they make a comment like "well, you should be more excited about ch05."

Cause you see, I shouldn't be. I should be dancing in anticipation, crossing the days off of a list until TiP.

And all I can think of is my plane to Halifax and Jill.

There is something wonderful about turning your skin red by taking a shower with no cold water ... and then turning on the cold and turning off the hot and rinsing. It is healing, it feels like you're communing with something greater than yourself. Being purified in fire. It's wonderous. Makes me feel alive.

Said something in someone's journal that I think I may need to clean up and send to the person it's about. Because, yeah. I don't want to because of something, but I think I may need to because of something else.

There are things that need to be written. But tis hard to write them. Hard to say them. Hard to even think them.

I am having a flashfoward in the series from the point I am currently at. "I know that ... and I can't."

I need to tell myself something, but I know I won't listen. I told myself to stop many things. And I wouldn't stop them. I won't listen to myself.

I think I need to be anonymous for a bit. Or - only tell the people who I truly know that I can be myself with where I am. I'm going to start heavily filtering soon, I think. And I don't want to hurt people, but some people are going to be filtered out by necessity. Only the people I pretty much think of constantly are going to be on it. And I know of one person this is going to offend ... but I can't care right now. I need to do what's best for me. I need to be free. And so, in advance, I apologize.

They say that you dream of the person you think of right before falling asleep.

Which is really funny, becaue the last thought of mine I remember last night is that I should write a letter to EL PRESIDENTE. No, kids, not Collin. Dubya.

Also - FYI, s'not been Angie who's been around the past couple of days except on the phone. Mostly Ellen, bit of Hope.

Yeah. So if you think I'm being weird? That's why.

That was the strangest dream ever.

Lots of Cubic A goodness, lots of real scariness.

At some point Princess and Anthony were dating and the first time he mentioned it to me he called her [my] chou instead of [my] Shu and I nearly passed out. Then there was this random boat area that's sort of been recurring in my dreams where I was diving and doing weird secret agent stuff with this chick who I'm assuming was meant to represent Sadina to my addled brain. Oh, here's a great thing to figure out about my brain - for some reason when the first thing I mentioned happened I was at my gramma's with Ali (I think) and Princess (I know) and then all of a sudden she was randomly dating Anthony. Returning the random water thing, that was like ten years after the first part and I had this random three inch binder full of letters and stuff from all sorts of people (I know there was some random article Anthony had written for some magazine or another and I want to say there were weird personality tests from all of Cubic A). And then we went back to about the same timeline as the first part of the dream and Cubic A was randomly going to this casting call for Degrassi (I so blame you, GOD) - I think it was because we wanted to fix Anthony up with a Canadian, but don't quote me on that, because as you'll remember, this is the dream where he was RANDOMLY DATING PRINCESS. And Miranda-Valeman-Miranda was there and she got sent off immediately and the rest of us were just supposed to hang out. I don't know where Anthony was at this point, because it was just me and Ali and I want to say Alex Starling for some reason and then I got dragged off (I was so only there so we could convince Anthony to go) because I was paying more attention to what Ali was saying than to what the ugly fat chick who was in charge was saying.

Is it wrong of me that the weird scientific logic about being able to absorb nutrients from the water in the water part of the dream was less disturbing than OMGANTHONYANDMYPRINCESS?WTFMATE?

Right. Okay. To maintain some semblance of sanity, I'll do the music meme.
( Coming soon from an itunes near you )

Dude. Music and creepy dreams. Gotta love it.

I have this strange and random urge to tell someone that my fingering chart is missing.

GAH! I found my original app. IT WAS RIGHT WHERE I HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR IT.

My fingers and toes are crossed and recrossed and then crossed again that I'll be in knights with his knightlyness.

In other random news, I have finally gotten my whip stick open again. So happy. Love me some chocolate (so, no, not vegan, bitches) lip balm. And it's made in Canadia.

Right. I need new fake profanity, as I'm discussing with one of the other parts of Cubic A. My mother has banned me from saying gorram. Probably because I've been stomping around the house doing so lately because I am WIRED and RAGEFUL.

Mmmmm ... Alistair and LaFollet are wonderful when they're being overprotective. (Why, yes, there's a reason I'm not using the Major's first name. Can't you guess?)

"It's not polite to go around destroying a lady's daydreams, Commodore."

"My commission says I'm an office and a gentleman, Ma'am. It never said I was a polite gentleman!"

H/A OTP, bitches.

Although if we say that, by logic there must also be something that says Longmont/McKeon OTP because it's the same conversation as I seem to remember him having with Honor. HAH! Yet another sick pairing, Clone.

Dear Idiots,
Don't try and pull a Michael Moore on a member of the administration to their face. They will win. Rummy pwns.
No Love,
Angie

Words That Make Me Cackle:
Dragoon, Shindig, Juicy Juice, Pink, Spot, Bean (and the similar Baby Bean)

Best phrase ever:
The order is Lady Harrington and no mercy. Shivers. All the way up and down my spine. Seriously, yo.

OH! GOT MY PACKAGE FROM MY CLONE TODAY! As one might be able to tell by the title. I love her. She is the best clone a girl could ask for. And we are the same degree of femme/butch according to that quiz thing that's been going around. If any of you were curious. Yeah, right.

*sighs*

Back to EoH. I'm hoping to finish it up and move on with the Second Annual Great ReRead tomorrow. I have a nice luxurious hour where all I need to do is take ten minutes to eat and then I can read for the rest of the time. Mmmm. Books.

Yes, Angie, that's brilliant.
Sit there and watch the most beautiful saddest episode of Firefly on the planet while you've just done what you're yelling at Inara not to do.
Of course, if we're going to take the analogy to it's fullest, I would be Nandi. Which is really scary. Except that's not to the fullest and it fits much better with self as Inara.
There is one difference, however.
It could've worked out between them.
And, yes, I have hope. But not too much. Hope will only kill you in the end. (Damn right she will. -El)

"Everybody's got somebody ... Wash, tell me I'm pretty"

"Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."

"'Cause I'm pretty?"

"'Cause you're pretty."